Tag: humor
member name: Alan Waldman
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January 21, 2007 09:25 AM EST --
1) (On an infant's shirt): Already smarter than Bush
(OK, not a bumper sticker!)
2) 1/20/09: End of an Error
3) That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
. . .
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September 11, 2006 12:27 PM EDT --
When my grandfather passed through Ellis Island 105 years ago, the immigration agent asked him several questions, including "Do you plan to overthrow the United States government by force or violence?" . . .
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August 31, 2006 04:48 PM EDT --
A driver did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the
intersection.
The tailgating woman behind him went ballistic, pounding . . .
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October 30, 2006 12:23 PM EST --
Invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation last weekend in Arizona, President Bush spoke for almost an hour of his future plans for increasing every Native American's present . . .
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December 28, 2006 09:02 PM EST --
Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
<hr>
Witness: "My . . .
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September 30, 2006 12:07 PM EDT --
"We all know about the big dust-up between President Bush and the Senate leadership over his wanting to change the Geneva Conventions, right? Well, they reached a compromise. That's not just a . . .
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October 26, 2006 08:50 PM EDT --
A lady bought a new $100,000 Mercedes and proudly drove it off the showroom floor to take home. Halfway home, she attempted to change radio stations and saw that there appeared to be only one station. . . .
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March 24, 2007 09:49 PM EDT --
NEW BUMPER STICKERS FOR 2007
Take Your Pick:
1. Bush: End of an Error
2. That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
3. Let's Fix Democracy in this Country First
4. If You Want . . .
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September 12, 2006 10:47 AM EDT --
I just visited the Alibris website and learned that the funniest book ever is available from $7.95 there. THE MAN WHO WROTE DIRTY BOOKS, written by Hal Dresner (screenwriter of ZORRO, THE GAY BLADE) came . . .
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February 15, 2006 05:34 PM EST --
"The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big
Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads
of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the . . .
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January 23, 2007 01:11 PM EST --
Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home
Depot when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my
wife, and I guess I wasn't . . .
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February 01, 2007 10:54 AM EST --
I am deeply saddened by the death, at age 62, of one of the most brilliant, truthful, hilarious columnists in our history, Molly Ivins. I put her in a small class of geniuses who can see and tell the political . . .
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April 18, 2007 02:09 PM EDT --
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill
. . .
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January 10, 2007 03:34 PM EST --
Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day, she told her husband
that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's
10 best friends. . . .
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February 26, 2007 03:15 PM EST --
Good E-mail humor:
Original List (age 22)
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses . . .
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February 06, 2007 12:33 PM EST --
After checking out all the well-dressed guests at the party, I spotted an
attractive woman standing alone across the room.
When I approached and asked her name, she coyly replied... "Carmen." . . .
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February 08, 2007 03:15 PM EST --
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me
to time an egg.
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, but
she won't drink from my glass! . . .
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July 07, 2007 09:06 AM EDT --
My wife and I were blown away by Michael Moore's outstanding new film SICKO, which very dramatically illustrates how citizens of EVERY Western industrialized country (and many third world countries) . . .
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August 26, 2007 10:50 AM EDT --
Yesterday my wife and I drove to Portland and saw a very funny new film (Death at a Funeral) and a brilliant, funny musical play which has justifiably taken Broadway by storm
(Monty Python's Spamalot). . . .
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August 04, 2006 12:01 PM EDT --
Bush Awards Mel Gibson Presidential Medal of Freedom
Prez: "Thanks for Taking the Heat off Me"
(abstracted from a recent Borowitz Report)
In a stunning moment of redemption for . . .
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